Sexual performance anxiety is often what happens when feelings of anxiety interfere with sexual interest, performance, pleasure, or satisfaction. It’s quite common, too, with about 25% of men and 16% of women facing intimacy problems due to performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety can stem from a variety of other underlying issues. Often, a negative past experience or first-time jitters can interfere when you meet a new sexual partner. Sometimes generalized anxiety disorder or stressors in your personal life can interfere as well.
Whatever the reason, it is most likely stressful and might be causing problems in your relationship, which may make your performance anxiety worse. However, there are a few options to help overcome sexual performance anxiety so you can live the robust sex life you deserve.
Communication is key: Talk to your partner about your and their needs and get to know each other’s bodies
Perhaps your anxiety is stemming from a lack of knowledge or experience, or you and your partner are struggling to connect. Consider taking the time to understand your partner and for them to understand you. What arouses you or helps sustain an erection, or what helps you to orgasm. What makes sexual activity pleasurable and what may cause a painful experience. It’s okay to not have everything right the first time. But by communicating with your partner and taking the time outside of the bedroom to understand what each other needs while being intimate, you may be able to overcome some of your performance anxiety.
Practice sexual mindfulness
Sexual mindfulness can be extremely beneficial toward overcoming performance anxiety. Practicing mindfulness in general can help with overall anxiety, however, focusing specifically on being in the moment intimately and how to re-frame stressors you may have in the bedroom can be a great way to push through negative feelings during sexual activities.
- Starting outside of the bedroom, it takes purpose, effort, and practice to develop mindfulness skills helpful to all facets of life.
- It’s helpful to avoid distractions during sexual intimacy, such as the TV being on, a pet whining or scratching, or a phone vibrating.
- Try to avoid thinking about daily tasks still left to do by writing out your to-do list beforehand or completing the most pressing tasks first, so you’re not thinking about them in the moment.
- Try to synchronize your breathing with your partner and make eye contact. Further engaging all your senses through scented candles, mood lighting, or music can help bring focus to every sensation.
- Embrace the special moment you are having. Practicing gratitude can increase dopamine and have positive effects on libido.
- It’s okay to let your mind wander, or for something to not go exactly as planned.
- Lastly, remember to be kind to yourself and your partner and let go of expectations of perfection.
Seek professional advice
If you are struggling or don’t know where to start, it may be helpful to seek professional advice from a general or sex therapist. Sex therapists can often help to establish what may help you during intimacy or help with ways to engage both you and your partner in more mindful and meaningful sex. Or, if your performance anxiety is due to a medical condition, it may bring peace of mind to know that there are treatments, medications or devices available to help with physical complications such as erectile dysfunction or lack of arousal.
References:
Cleveland Clinic. (2025, February 11). Understanding sexual performance anxiety. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sexual-performance-anxiety
Nelson, C. (2024, April 17). Hope for a satisfying sex life: Overcoming shame, stigma and bothersome symptoms. Mayo Clinic. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/living-well/hope-for-a-satisfying-sex-life-overcoming-shame-stigma-and-bothersome-symptoms/
Vegunta, S. (2024, April 17). Mind over matter: Practicing sexual mindfulness. Mayo Clinic. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/living-well/mind-over-matter-practicing-sexual-mindfulness/
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