Why is Foreplay Important?

Foreplay refers to the emotionally and physically intimate behaviors leading up to sexual intercourse: the gateway to sexual excitement and desire. It can consist of anything from flirting and kissing, to grinding and massages, to removing clothes and roleplaying. While some may not see the importance, there are a lot of very good reasons to engage in foreplay. Everyone needs some sort of psychological or emotional stimulation in order to become aroused. According to the sexual response cycle, the “desire” phase is what may be initiated by foreplay and is imperative to sexual activity. In this phase, muscle and sexual tension increases, the heart rate becomes faster leading to increased blood flow in the genitals – this causes both penile and clitoral erection – and the vagina may begin to self-lubricate while the penis may begin to leak pre-ejaculate.

Female Sexual Function and Foreplay

Cisgender women biologically need foreplay for the main purpose of emotional intimacy, self-lubrication, and to be prepared for intercourse. Emotional intimacy is essential for the desire stage of the sexual response cycle in women as well, causing vaginal and labial fullness, and clitoral erection. Foreplay offers an opportunity to be far more emotionally connected with a partner than engaging only in penetrative sex.

Aside from biological functioning, foreplay may also help with several sexual dysfunctions, such as dyspareunia or anorgasmia. Dyspareunia is defined as painful intercourse, with pain occurring before, during, or after sex. Amongst other causes, pain during penetrative sex may be due to a lack of lubrication, which is often the result of not enough foreplay. Sexual health professionals may recommend longer periods of foreplay if this is the case, as a first attempt to remedy vaginal dryness.

Anorgasmia occurs when someone cannot orgasm, no matter how hard they try. The majority of women cannot orgasm exclusively from vaginal penetration with the penis and need external stimulation at any number of erogenous zones in order to get to the next stages of the sexual response cycle: arousal (just before orgasm, when desire signs increase), and orgasm. These erogenous zones could be located anywhere on the body, and it may be helpful to take a night to explore where they are. Common erogenous zones (beyond the clitoris and nipples) include the ears, neck, armpits, feet, and thighs, amongst others. By taking the time with foreplay to stimulate these areas, it can become easier for women to achieve orgasm.

Male Sexual Function and Foreplay

Contrary to popular belief, foreplay is important for everyone. For example, a penis is not constantly erect and ready for action; there needs to be at least a little bit of stimulation before this happens. Men typically need to be in the right state of mind as well. Foreplay helps set erections in motion, which occur in the case of sexual memory or fantasies. Sexual activity such as kissing or bondage that can occur during foreplay help with erotic fantasies, and therefore erections.

Additionally, simple acts like grinding and petting can cause a reflexive erection, which happens when something touches the genitals and triggers arousal (most often happening during foreplay). In the case of erectile dysfunction, when the penis struggles to maintain an erection long enough for satisfactory sexual activity, longer durations of foreplay may be helpful. The desire stage of the sexual response cycle increases blood flow to the pudendal and dorsal nerves of the penis, which is what causes an erection. During this stage, the penis may also begin to leak pre-ejaculate which can be helpful with lubrication during unprotected sex.

Conclusion

In a study on the sexual scripts of men and women, researchers concluded that cisgender women desire shorter durations of intercourse than cisgender men do, but the same duration of foreplay. Meaning, longer durations of foreplay will likely make both partners feel satisfied with sexual encounters.

Foreplay is an essential part of sexual activity and the sexual response cycle, generating blood flow to the genitals and initiating lubrication in the vagina, which allows for less painful, more satisfactory sexual experiences. Always seek help from a sexual health professional if you are experiencing distressing sexual pain or dysfunction.

References:

Bansal, S. P., Lamba, D., & Somani, A. (2023). Sexual satisfaction: Foreplay. Encyclopedia of Sexual Psychology and Behavior, 1–1. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-08956-5_34-1

Brizendine, L. (2003). Sexual function in men and women, overview. Encyclopedia of the Neurological Sciences, 253–256. https://doi.org/10.1016/b0-12-226870-9/00392-0

Cleveland Clinic. (2024a, August 7). Never had an orgasm? what you should know about the “big O.” https://health.clevelandclinic.org/ive-never-orgasm-something-wrong

Getting an erection. Cleveland Clinic. (2024b, April 6). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/10036-erection

Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2024, February 16). Painful intercourse (dyspareunia). Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/painful-intercourse/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20375973

Miller, S. A., & Byers, E. S. (2004). Actual and desired duration of foreplay and intercourse: Discordance and misperceptions within heterosexual couples. The Journal of Sex Research, 41(3), 301–309. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490409552237

Sexual response cycle. Cleveland Clinic. (2023, December 27). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9119-sexual-response-cycle