What Does “Erotic Intelligence” Mean?

The SMSNA periodically receives and publishes ‘guest editorials.’ The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in women's health, wellness, and healthy living. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind Magazine.

Living your life with a partner is a daily learning experience. You’re always picking up on their emotional cues, but people sometimes forget to develop their awareness of sexual arousal cues. Learn more about erotic intelligence to understand if you have it and how to develop it further.

What Is Erotic Intelligence?

Erotic intelligence is a non-scientific term for the intelligence a person uses to engage their body and their partner’s body in sexual ways, along with the ability to understand and adapt to what their partner desires. It requires remaining present in your five senses to indulge your arousal and develop your partner’s consensual sensations.

Experts also call this sexual intelligence. They measure it by noting a person’s ability to understand and respond to sexual cues in private and social contexts.¹ If you’re fully aware of your own arousal and the interests or energy coming from your partner, you’ll both have more fulfilling sexual encounters.

How Does Erotic Intelligence Affect Relationships?

Erotic intelligence affects relationships by creating stronger connections between partners. If you’re in a committed relationship, you already have emotional intimacy. If you have deep conversations and enjoy quiet time together, you’ve created the trust and security you both need to be physically and emotionally intimate.²

If you make a point to understand and prioritize your partner’s sexual desires in intimate moments, you’re using your erotic intelligence. If you don’t, the sexual experience may feel one-sided. The person who feels ignored may wonder if their partner actually listens to them or cares for them equally.

3 Ways to Improve Your Erotic Intelligence

There are multiple ways to improve your erotic intelligence. Explore new habits to connect with yourself and your partner so every sexual encounter is that much more meaningful.

1. Meditate to Understand Your Physical Sensations

Erotic intelligence requires an element of emotional intelligence in order to understand how the physical pleasure is making you feel emotionally. Get in touch with your body by asking what arousal feels like during various activities. What kind of touching, breathing or talking makes you feel good?

Try meditating by closing your eyes and honing in on your physical sensations. You could do this while exploring your body, spending time with your partner, or watching arousing content. Talk with your partner about your physical sensations afterward. You’ll invite them to talk about their sensations as well.

They can copy your meditative techniques so you go on an erotic intelligence journey together. As you continue having physically intimate moments, you’ll know what turns each other on and how to please each other during various activities.

2. Consider What You Both Want

What do you and your partner want from your sexual encounters? Talk about things you’ve tried together and sexual activities you haven’t explored. You might try new pleasant or erotically unpleasant sensations to better understand each other’s limits. Trying something new also builds more trust, which might even add to your arousal subconsciously.

3. Watch for Each Other’s Signals

People give off many signals when they feel turned on. Research shows that cisgender men use their sense of smell to confirm the arousal of a cisgender woman, but that’s not the only sense you can use if you have erotic intelligence.³

Watch your partner closely while you enjoy each other’s presence. See if they get aroused and start using a different tone of voice. How do they move their body? What activities do they try first when your sexual encounters begin?

Erotic signaling also includes signs when you or your partner finishes a sexual experience. What physical sensations do you feel before letting your partner know you’re ready to rest? Does your partner slow down in specific ways or change the sounds they make? Being aware of these things connects two people in deeper ways because they’re signals only a few people may ever see from you or your partner.

Create Easier Physical and Mental Connections

Improving your erotic intelligence could make your sexual activities more fulfilling. Learn how your body works and how your partner uses their five senses during those moments. As you study each other, you’ll form the kind of connection that heightens every erotic moment with equal measures of safety and understanding.

References:

1. Husain, Waqar, et al. “Measuring Sexual Intelligence for Evaluating Sexual Health.” Psychological Reports, (2023, January 14). https://doi.org/10.1177/00332941231152388.
   
   
2. “How to Deepen Emotional Intimacy” Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates. (2023, January 17). https://www.mvpsych.com/blog/deepen-emotional-intimacy/
   
   
3. Wisman A, Shrira I. “Sexual Chemosignals: Evidence that Men Process Olfactory Signals of Women’s Sexual Arousal.” Archives of Sexual Behavior. (2020, February 5). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-01588-8